I Know a Man
by Hillary White, daughter
I once knew a man that was nothing but kindness and generosity. If there was fun to be had he was a yes, a cautious yes, but a yes. He served his country. He served his God. He served his family. He served his community. He helped thousands to see, literally. He uplifted many with his warm eyes and generous desire to serve. He loved kids. All kids. They were a great reason to play and be a kid again himself. He loved his wife. He honored her passions. He gave generously. He adored his children. He led the best he could, as each of us do.
It is hard to remember that this man is still there. He is not dead. He lives. But as I watch a man I love succumb to dementia it is hard to remember in the present tense and not just the past tense. His brain is different but he is the same. His mind makes him behave differently but I must remember he is under there. It feels like a slow, aching grief. Not the comforted grief that comes when someone dies but knows Jesus. It is a present, the answer is no, why would it even be possible for this to happen to someone, every day grief. The man is standing before me and yet he is not there.
But I must remember, I know a man. Not knew, know.
When he cannot remember my children’s names… I know a man who loves his family more than anything.
When he gets frustrated with my mom… I know a man who avoids hurting his wife at all cost because his heart is for her.
When he asks me the same question again… I know a man that is humbly intelligent and whose brain would amaze me every day with its photographic and listening memory.
When he seems to worship out of habit instead of heart… I know a man that loves God so much he cannot offer a meal blessing without getting weepy.
When he seems to not notice… I know a man that chooses to serve the less fortunate because God calls us to care about those he cares about.
When he is dressed poorly… I know a man that is generous to everyone but himself, that goes without so others can have.
When he is afraid and paranoid… I know a man that loves everyday adventure and lives fully.
As the lies of disease take over, may I always look for and remember the good and the true. May you also.